A little old lady called 911. When the operator answered she yelled, "Help! Send the police to my house right away!

There’s a damned republican on my front porch and he’s playing with himself."

"What?" the operator exclaimed!

"I said there is a damned republican on my front porch playing with himself! Please send the police!" the little old lady repeated.

"Ma’am, how do you know he’s a republican?"

"Because, you damned fool, if he were a democrat, he’d be screwing somebody."